i began 2008 with long, dark hair. i end 2008 with short, dark hair. bangs came and grew out.
i began 2008 in paris. i end 2008 in korea. a year bookended by europe and asia, with america smooshed in the middle, im not sure i could ask for a better sequence of geographical events. where i am today was not even being considered a year ago at this time. if forced to tell you where i would be in a year, i would have said that i would be teaching in paris, dating mr. french. but relationships change, plans go awry, and a thing called life steps in and throws curve balls that we could never imagine would be tossed our way. i have meandered off of my path, yet have not completely gone astray.
i remember coming back to america on january 2, 2008, completely in love with paris, thinking that there was no other place in this world for me. life was stressful, finishing up that last bloody semester of college, hating every minute of those damned marketing classes, only somewhat enjoying the french class i took for my own personal knowledge of muslim immigration in france. i remember coming back to madison after spring break, meeting up with becca to take a long walk and catch up. i went home and began to freak out about life. something inside of me burst open, a rage and confusion was consuming me. i didn't know what i wanted with life. and for the first time in a long while, it really upset me. graduation was approaching and my life would soon be a blank canvas for me to paint in whatever manner i pleased. a seemingly exciting notion of freedom scared the hell out of me. i felt helpless and out of control. katie and i had many nights outside the apartment, getting some, er, fresh air, bouncing ideas of life off of each other. katie kept me sane. and to my other friends who listened to my whining and bitching about how i hated certain teachers and how i was lost, thank you.
i graduated and a week later, started my tefl course. it was long and tiring and again, made me contemplate what i was doing and if i really wanted to teach. it forced me to think in simpler terms, not muddying up sentences with the unnecessary words that i very much love. another relationship ended for good. i was broken. i cut my hair off a week later, knowing that i needed a change, a new me, a new outlook on things. i fixed myself over the next two months, filling my days and nights with fun and friends, knowing that when the endless summer nights were up, i would be moving out of the country. i took a job working at a japanese camp, falling in love with my ten little japanese high school students on a daily basis. i considered taking a job in japan. i returned to my original plan and applied for jobs in korea. i went to new york. while there, i got a job in korea. sweet. the canvas was beginning to be filled with paint, if only in the abstract method that my life will always remain. i taught some conversation classes and saved up some bar money.
and then i came to korea. it was certainly not the most conventional of choices, but it was time to make a choice and korea was what i chose. asia scared me. i didn't really want to come here. i didn't understand asian people, didn't get their culture of crazy dressing and giggling girls writing with pens that 5-year olds would use. so i forced myself out of my comfort zone, knowing that people are people, regardless of what they look like, where they are from, or what kind of writing instruments they use at any given age. and now asia doesn't really scare me. i may have been asked to leave my international student org in college (do not ask...if you know me, you already know the story. if you do not, you do not need to know it.), but the motto never left me. 'make the world your comfort zone.' that is the motto of my life, of course, in addition to 'i live my life in the pursuit of fun.'
and now it is december 30, 2008. i no longer am at 2 rue burnouf in paris (although my heart will always remain there). the curve ball that is korea was thrown my way and i batted. i took charge of my life. i made myself happy. i fixed what needed fixing. i fell in and out of love, and back into it again. do i have regrets? nah, not really. did i make mistakes? sure as hell i did. but i dont really regret them. they just add to my random book of scandalous tales that i will someday regale to my grandchildren.
am i wiser? hmm, that is up for debate. i certainly do not think that i became dumber. how exactly would one measure an increase in wiseness? je ne suis pas sur. but there is one thing i know for sure. in the midst of drama and bullshit and hellish exams and bad men...
...i had a hell of a lot of fun.
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