Monday, July 27, 2009
an issue of race and/or culture
as i entered my last class of the day (a two hour level 5 intensive con class), i saw that only one student had arrived. said student is really lovely and one of the best, most diligent students i've taught thus far. she never misses class and is always on time. as no other students were around, we decided to just talk. no book. just free talking. the students generally appreciate this, as they are quite curious and really prefer to delve into discussion with their scandalous foreign teacher, hoping to learn a tiny morsel of personal info (which i generally let them grapple for, so as to keep them talking and me actively listening, often letting my mind drift, often more than just momentarily, into the gutter). the first hour passed quite slowly and i felt that if i allowed my eyes to close, my head would soon smack down into the glass desk. when break time arrived, i gladly got up and tried to wake myself up. when i returned to class, facing another possibly dull-as-fuck 50 minutes, i asked my student what she had been doing with her writing teacher. she said that they had discussed race and stereotypes. perfect, i thought, i can easily prattle on for 50 minutes about this.
she told me that most koreans were generally quite prejudice and/or scared of black people. now, i already knew this fact, but had never actually had a korean admit it to me. i asked why. she didn't really know, but said that she thought it related to the notion that 'blacks are poor and uneducated.' i listened. i also asked about the feelings that koreans have towards southeast asians (filipinos, vietnamese, thais) and towards the chinese. i have discussed these stereotypes with other teachers, as well as my mum. it seems that they are prejudice against southeast asians because they are poor and a lot of them are working illegally in korea. she told me that a lot of koreans dislike this group because they take jobs away from the koreans, but then defended this group by saying that the koreans don't even want those jobs in the first place, as they are the 3-D jobs: dirty, dangerous, and she couldnt remember the third D. as the economy falls, though, more koreans are losing their salary-man positions and are turning to these types of employment, but hide it from their families, as it is a sign of poverty and disgrace to take on a manual job here. this further deepens the issue of appearance being so incredibly important in korea. it doesn't matter what the truth is, just as long as you are able to put on a facade that you have a good job and have a lot of money and are happy, as money buys happiness here, at least on the outside. i never thought that a society could compete with los angeles for superficiality.
my student also told me that koreans felt the same way towards black people in korea as americans felt towards asians and 'yellow people' in america. i told her that this was perhaps true in parts of the US, except that there aren't loads of asian people all over the country. the bigger racial issue in the states, i told her, is that of black vs. white. christ, every night i watch the nbc nightly news and every night for the last week or ten days, i have seen this issue of a white cop vs. black professor. it needs to end. black, white, yellow, pink, who gives a fuck. and for that matter, who gives a fuck how much money and material shit you have. y'all know i love to shop, but at the end of the day, its just shit that can burn up in a fire. and then what good is it?
as this girl seemed really interested and not overly biased one way or another in regard to races, i asked her if she would marry a foreigner. she said that in this case, it wasn't an issue of race, but an issue of culture. i asked her if she would marry a korean who was raised in america. she said no, as america and korea are completely different and she just couldn't understand american culture enough to be married to an american, albeit a korean-american.
i asked her how she felt about having foreign teachers, if there were any major differences between foreign teachers and korean teachers. she said that korean teachers grade their students based on emotions more than performance. she had a german teacher who gave her friend a poor grade because the friend slept in class and didnt do her homework. the friend went to the german teacher's office to beg for her to change the grade. the teacher said no, as she hadn't performed. my student said that had that been a korean teacher, the grade would have been changed after much begging and perhaps a bit of cash.
interesting, no?
this girl is really quite inquisitive and last week, after being asked, 'if you could speak english like a native speaker, what would you do?,' she took the opportunity to turn the question more into, 'if you were a native english speaker, what would you do?' she answered it by saying that she would like to see seoul through a foreigner's eyes. i found this really interesting and have thought about this comment the last few days as i stroll through the city, bumping into ajoumas, being gawked at by ajoushis, and smelling the disgusting blend of old kimchi and the remnants of last night's sam gep sal. i proceeded to ask my student what she thought when she saw foreigners, as she is a native korean and is accustomed to seeing street after street full of koreans, only occasionally to be peppered with foreign faces. she said that when she sees foreigners, she wonders why they are here, why they would leave america in order to live in korea, as america to koreans is a place that is better for living. the legend of the so-called american dream has reached korea and clearly to them, all americans are living examples of such legend. when they leave the promised land, the koreans don't understand. i must admit, ive been asked this question several times. it tends to come off quite rudely, though not intended in that manner, as 'what are you doing here?' perhaps i should say, 'im a drug dealer,' just for reaction. or maybe i could say that i sell my body. (on an aside, i had a student tell me that if she could have any job, she would be a drug seller. i corrected her by saying that the proper term was 'drug dealer.' she thanked me. she also told me that ecstasy would be her drug of choice for sale. interesting. proper, innocent koreans discussing drugs.)
my student also found it interesting that foreigners would come to work in a far-away country, leaving their family and friends behind. she said that she thought western people were really independent and adventurous and that they could really take care of themselves. on the other hand, though, she thought that this could be seen as selfish, as western people tend to not take care of their parents when they get old. i agreed and told her how, in general, once your parents get feeble, you throw them in a nursing home. (mother, im pretty sure that if you ever turn into an ajouma with a big f-ing visor protecting you from the sun, i WILL throw you in a home.) she said that if she found a job in a foreign country, her parents wouldn't support her and basically wouldn't allow her to go. i inquired about this. she said that parents don't really have retirement funds in korea, no money under the bed or in a box in the bank, nor in stocks in the kopsi. they put all their money into their children while they are growing up, expecting that their massive investment in time and money will come to fruition and their children will take care of them upon retirement age. i've had several students tell me that their parents are having birthdays soon. of course i ask them what gifts they will get for them. it is always money. never gifts. ALWAYS cash. it's strange to me. my parents give me and my bro money for birthdays and holidays, never gifts. but i NEVER give them cash (not that i ever have it), but i would feel like a slug, like i was being lazy in my child-like duties to give them some cultural gift from some random place in the world. i think the only time i ever give my parents money is if i am out of the country and mail home a bit of foreign currency because its prettier than the greenback.
it really was an interesting class. sometimes i feel like i can't really talk to students, as they tend to be prudish or really conservative and i have to watch my mouth. if i truly spoke my mind, i would most certainly scare the hell out of my students and probably get closed to being fired. but this girl seems pretty interested in the west, even if she doesn't agree with everything about it. its amazing how much the culture we are raised in influences everything we do. i went to the gym tonight and as i was gathering my stuff in the locker room to go home, a rather chubby korean lady stripped off like it was nobody's business. i am certainly no shrinking violet, but even if i had a bod like gisele, i would still walk my sweaty self home and get naked and shower in the privacy of my own home. i do not show this off to just anybody, especially nasty old ajoumas who need to do some personal grooming.
bleckkkkk i've gone too far. again.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
at last, i found what i was dreaming of...
hmm where to begin...i'd say, quite cheekily, 'at the beginning,' yet the beginning of this mess was last october and as it is now july, i mustn't begin at the beginning. alas, i will begin in the middle, er, the late-middle, as the middle to the late middle of my life in korea is pretty much the same shit over and over. ok here goes...
MY FEEBLE ATTEMPT TO UPDATE ANY POOR BASTARD WHO STILL READS THIS ON MY EXISTENCE.
march plus or minus one month: i began to hate korea around this time. i say plus or minus one month as this period of time basically was a blur of days of me hating korea. well, more of a rollercoaster of ups and downs, most of which ended down. the only thing saving my life was the light at the end of the tunnel, i.e. JUNE, when i would be off for a month.
april: see above.
may: see above. motivation was incredibly lacking during this month. the only motivation i had was for preparing to go to spain and france. i was probably a shit teacher, yet my student surveys from may certainly would show otherwise. i even got a bonus during april and may. that's just insane. how the fuck could i possibly get a bonus during april/may? clearly i just didn't give a fuck and therefore came off as cool and collected and a really dope teacher. fuck i haven't the slightest idea.
june: also known as my month of heaven. my early birthday present. a month of pure bliss and decadence. a month of not giving a fuck what time we woke up, not giving a fuck what tourist shit we did, not giving a fuck about anything except having fun and being together. its amazing how therapeutic a topless beach can be. it's also incredible how one's attitude will slowly change as her skin turns a golden brown. june was my month to realize that there is more to life than work. there is love and passion and happiness and pleasure and joy and laughter and lightness. i always knew this, yet i managed to somehow forget it while living in korea. there is a saying here, 'bali bali,' which basically means, 'hurry hurry.' and for what? so that we can be at work more, be less productive, make more money so we can buy more shit that essentially means jack at the end of the day. i slowed down in europe. andy and i would sit at meals for hours, just talking about the world, friends, politics, insignificant shit. it didn't matter. we had a month to be together and really absorb everything. it was slow and made me see how much i cannot live for work. i will work so that i can live in a manner i enjoy. and that manner is looking like it will be filled with movement around the world, spending all that 'bali bali'-earned money on travel and experiencing places and people, not so much on buying stuff. although, yes, i certainly did buy a lot of shit in europe.
july: i came back to korea and had to be quarantined for six days from work because my company was scared i had the swine flu and might spread it to my students and other teachers. yes please i will be quarantined since you are going to pay me to stay home on my birthday. certainly, i can do that. i would absolutely hate to get anyone sick. speaking of my birthday, funny enough, i got robbed the day i turned 24. fucking hell. i live in what the koreans call a villa, which basically is like a 2 or 3 story house that is divided into apartments. its nice and it is bigger than a lot of what the other teachers live in, aka officetels. they're basically big studios. this is a real apartment. i have real rooms. anyway, i live on the first level and i have a balcony and as korea is hotter than a motherfucker during the summer, i left the balcony window and door open when i went to bed on the eve of my bday and sure enough, some son of a bitch jumped into the balcony and waltzed right in and nicked the cash from my wallet. i woke up feeling refreshed, thinking that it would be a good year. it was raining and it smelled really nice and tranquil. i came into my living room and noticed a bracelet had magically moved from my desk to my chair. i thought i was jetlagged and maybe had gotten up in the middle of the night and moved it. then i went in my kitchen and saw my wallet on my counter, zipper part open with all the cash gone. at least that's all the fucker took. i don't care about the money; just really creeped out by the fact that someone was in here while i was sleeping. i told my landlord, the police came, and then my landlord proceeded to spend the next few hours installing bars and screens and a bamboo curtain on the balcony and another lock on my front door. if some little prick wants to get in, they're really going to have to want in and they will have to break some shit to get in. happy birthday kendra, we're going to rob you. fuck you bastard korean thieves.
my birthday turned out ok, though. i went out with some coworkers for a lovely greek dinner in itaewon. it was a pretty low-key birthday on the actual day, but then on friday night, i went to hongdae with some mates and got ridiculously pissed on red wine and tequila and ended up dirty dancing like it was going out of style on the bar at tinpan. as it was fourth of july weekend, a lot of military guys had come into the city from their bases and unfortunately enough for yours truly, i had to speak with said toolbags. of course i lied and said my name was stephanie. a korean guy asked me my name and i said stephanie. he asked where i was from and i said england. i continued this yarn and basically told him that i was from where andy is from and then i was asked why i didn't have an accent. i said it was because i had lived in america the last ten years. i believe i then said, 'fish and chips,' and ran away. oh the holes i often dig myself into.
i was ridiculously hung over the next day. i wanted to kill myself all day. lesson learned: do not leave your windows open if you live on the first level and do not mix wine with tequila. no, just don't drink tequila unless it is patron and served in glass.
i started working a week ago. it was hard and i felt really stressed out. the week was hard, getting the students to warm up. it's hard going from a month of nothing to a solid week of classes, especially when you really could give two fucks less about being there. my students are relatively cute. there are a couple assholes, but that is always a given. my stress culminated this weekend and gave me a lovely migraine on saturday afternoon while i was at the gym. it feels quite dangerous to be on an elliptical machine and not really be able to see much of anything. i spent a grand total of 12 minutes at the gym and then came home, took some drugs, cancelled my plans for the evening, and passed out. and my weekend has basically consisted of me laying around, watching movies, being a slug. i feel like my stress has been released and even though i have to be in korea for 143 more days (yes i have a countdown going until i leave), it appears that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that this is just a little bit i have to push through to move on to a new challenge, something i prefer to ajoumas. it hasn't been all bad, though. i've learned a lot, learned a lot about myself and what i want and who i want to be with in life. i don't want to be alone anymore, want to be with someone i love and who loves me. ready for something real, which i do believe i've found.
and as for these next 143 days, what will they be filled with? a bit of travel, a trip to busan and hopefully one to tokyo. job searching and preparation for my next move (south america, probably ecuador!) and just trying to smile and take it one day at a time and not feel too miserable that im in korea and not in spain or france or england now. cuz that's where i'd be if i had the option. but if i take that option, i leave korea a very broke woman, and as i would prefer to not do that, i will stay for five months and bust ass and save up as much cash as is possible for my shopping-loving self and then peace the fuck off, very unlikely to ever return.
i will fly off into the sunset. oh how i look forward to that long 15 hour flight to chicago. sweet jesus will that be lovely. i might even eat a big mac to celebrate.
er, maybe a bite.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
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