stroke victim.

i went to the dentist today.  an old filling has been causing me some pain and i opted to get the little bastard checked out.  i think this is one of the dirty little bastards i had filled this summer.  anyway, one of my dear students took me to his dentist for a cleaning and for a checkup on this tooth.  sure enough, it was cracked and it was decided that it would be crowned.  the novocaine came out, the drill was fired up, and my tooth was shaved down to a lovely square.  i will go back in a week to get a real crown put on.  a white crown.  right now, i got the bling bling with a real dope silver aluminum crown.  damnnnnn thats sick.

i took the subway home, looking quite gangsta with my coat's collar popped in an attempt to hide my half paralyzed face.  nothing says sexy like stroke victim.

oh and the price?  550,000 won, about 370 USD.  fucking madness.

4 month anniversary partay fotos...

i want to run where the streets have no name.

i was talking to a couple friends online.  i was frustrated with life, frustrated with students, frustrated with myself.  not sure of what i wanted to do, where i wanted to go, just knew that i wanted to leave korea.  i had begun to fall into the funk i fell so deeply into last week.  i put on some u2.

i started to think about africa, about faraway places that make no sense to a fast-paced life.  a place that really scares me.  and then it came to me.

im going to climb a mountain.  im going to climb mount kilimanjaro.

coming to korea was my crazy thing for the end of 2008.  2009 will be dedicated to figuring out how i will climb that beast.  

i need a good challenge to prepare for.  sure, korea is a challenge cuz i dont ever know what the fuck is going on.  but i have accepted the fact that i will never understand what the fuck is going on here.  so once i factor that out, life here is somewhat routine and i need something to really shake it up.

i think a mountain can do that.

there is a little voice in my head telling me to do this.  i feel like someone has just taken the shitty samsung motel lighter that i stole and lit a wick in my torso.  a burning desire to just go do something, work towards a goal, just do something really crazy.  ive already jumped out of a plane, already did the marathon.  its time to tackle my fear of the mountain.  i dont really like mountains, at least didnt care for them much when i was in colorado two summers ago.  

kilimanjaro, im gonna make that bitch mine.

hot for teacher?

do i give off a lesbian vibe?

i was pretty sure that i gave off the 'i love men and everything about them' vibe, over and over again.

i'm pretty sure that one of my (female) students has the hots for me.  i've only ever had chicks hit on me while i was working at the bar, never in a sober state.  strange, i can't just run away from the drunk lesbians.  i have to teach the sober lesbians.  

wait, i thought all koreans were heterosexual...

i was having my students write about conditional statements.  i was having them practice writing things like, 'if i were you, i would drink more soju.'

said student wrote as follows:

"if i went back to the past, i would meet a girl who became my teacher.  if i met this girl, i would be a good friend of her.  if i was a good friend of her, we would do many things together.  if we did many things together, i would like her more.  if i liked her more, i'd hug and kiss her often.  if i hugged her often, many friends would tease us, 'you are lesbians.' if many friends teased us, i'd kill them..."

i'm not so worried about the lesbian bit, as i am about being killed whilst in class.

but really, do i give off the lez vibe?  i've been told bi-sexual before, but really, kendra the lesbian?

i have 8 months to turn completely korean. fat fucking chance.

um, as of tomorrow, i've lived in korea for four months.  

fuuuuuuck thats weird.

halfway done with my fourth month here.  almost a third of the way done with my contract.  so strange.  i've never lived in a country besides the states this long.  if this was france any other time i've been there, i'd be back in wisco by now.  it's kinda trippy thinking about how long i've been here, how much i've done and seen, yet also how little i've done and seen.  i haven't even left seoul yet, haven't traveled one bit, besides the rando trip to yongsan to buy electronics or to lotte to admire my lancel bag from afar.  i'm a working girl, man, and working girls don't have time to travel or frolic about when they work six days a week.

but all is not lost.  i've learned a lot thus far.  aside from not learning korean, i've learned some spanish, how to juggle, how to be a magnificent actress (well, that did not need much improving upon), how to deal with huge fucking assholes in the classroom.  i've started to learn what i do not want to do forever (teach...you're welcome, mom and dad, i knew you were waiting for me to not be a teacher for the rest of my life), but also that i am quite unsure of what i want to do forever.  write?  maybe.  business?  maybe.  who the fuck knows.  and right now, who the fuck cares.  

i still have not given up the f-word.  sorry.

i've started to realize what i'm ready for, and what and whom i need in my life.  

here's to the next eight...

cuz this is a battle and its your final last call

im back.  i feel like myself again.  funks suck.  and when you fall into a funk when you are in a foreign country, FUCK MAN!  but i managed to pull myself out of it.  sometimes when life just gets to be shit, you just gotta trudge through it until it stops sucking.  and eventually, it gets back to normal.  

i no longer hate koreans.

some of them are actually quite adorable.  i had two of my old intro-con girls come to the teachers room yesterday and ask for me.  one of them had a little package of goodies ready for me.  she does her nails in this really crazy way with different colors.  its like sponge painting your nails.  i had asked her about it last month, so she took it upon herself to make her dear teacher a little manicure set.  she gave me sponges, nails file (a flower shape, of course, how korean), nails diamonds, a toe separator, and a lovely letter.  she put everything in little plastic bags and then made little labels out of colored paper and colored pencils.  probably the cutest gift ive ever received.  

got my hair whacked off last night.  not lesbian whacked off, but perhaps a shorter posh spice/rihanna cut.  i woke up at 3 am and felt my hair and thought, 'kendra dear lord what have you done?'  

but then i fell back asleep.  it will take a week or so to become normal to me.  

the session is nearly half over.  thank the bloody lord.  

june cannot come soon enough.

i am in repair.

as of late, ive been in a bit of a funk.  i feel stuck.  i feel restless, wanting and craving change.  i told this to carla today on our way to ewha to do some shopping for shit i certainly didn't need.

'when is your birthday?' dear carla asked.

'july 2, 1985,' i responded.

'you are a number 5,' she said, after adding up the digits.  'that means you love to travel and you do not like to feel like you are stuck in one place.  you need to feel freedom.'

'well that explains it.'

according to the facebook numerology application, "having a life path number of 5 makes you a keep traveler with a love for freedom.  change is good in your life and is something you strive for.  your heightened curiosity, and love of life, keeps you on the move.  although, you are sometimes perceived as lacking discipline.'

i'm not sure if this could be more correct.  i remember preparing for business interviews a couple years ago and i consulted skeez about what to say about my strengths and weaknesses.  one weakness that she suggested for me was that i am very interested in a wide array of things and that it may look as though i am scattered.  

perhaps i am on the move, curious for what i want to do with my life and with whom i want to spend it.  i will feel an itching to move until i find these answers.  and as for now, fuck i have nine more months of korea.  in the grand scheme of things, it's not really being stuck.  but in the short term, AHHHHHHH.

i also told carla that i've been having strange dreams about cats lately.  i had a dream the other night that a cat was meowing outside my door and that when i went to peek out and see what it was doing, i found that it was in a box that had a note written on it for me to take the cat and love it forever.  i brought the cat in and played with it and made it my own.  the cat was orange.

i woke up this morning at 5:30 to what sounded like a baby being mauled by a giant tiger.  i realized one of the parties was a cat with a really wretched meow.  it sounded like a baby was crying bloody murder and then the cat would respond with a miserable yelp.  i put on clothes and shoes and took my flashlight to peer outside to see if there really was a baby being mauled to death by a cat.  of course the noises ended when i walked outside, but returned when i came back inside.  i peeked out again and they continued.  i could not locate the source, but decided that there was no baby involved, just two hungry, angry cats.

i took a nap this morning.  i dreamt that one of the yelping cats snuck into my apartment and was trying to attack me and give me rabies.  i dreamt that it jumped onto my bed, which felt incredibly real, forcing me to wake up.  

i told this to carla, too.  she sent me the following: "to see a cat in your dream symbolizes an independent spirit, feminine sexuality, creativity, and power.  it also represents misfortune and bad luck.  the cat could indicate that someone is being deceitful or treacherous toward you.  if the cat is aggressive, then it suggests that you are having problems with the feminine aspect of yourself."

well fantastic.  i am clearly having a problem with some female aspect of myself.  

maybe i should pretend to be korean and go get fake boobs.

i hate when i feel like this.  stuck in a rut that you just can't seem to climb out of.  i always do, but when im in it, man, it's shit.

how i feel about koreans right now...

i cannot seem to keep from freaking out.

i began my day at 6.  (wow a whole extra hour of sleep.)  i felt weird when i went to bed last night.  i felt weird when i woke up.  into a funk i have fallen and i thought that, perhaps, a good, long 9 hours of sleep could cure it.  but alas, it didn't, and i trudged into work, put on a happy face, and got through 6 long hours of the same two articles over and over.  i had a student blatantly look at my crotch (andy, ill give you one guess as to who this one was).  i have a student named socrates.  i was told that i sound australian.  all in all, one fabulous fucking day.

i ran down insadong to pick up a few gifts after work.  insadong on a weekend is pure hell.  so many fucking korean children, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk.  if i had no common decency, i would 'accidentally' bonk them with my shoulder bag.  i heard tourists speaking in english and i thought, 'yeah yeah eat it up, you're a fucking TOURIST!  i live here.  fuck off.  get out of my way.' 

ps the phrase of the day is 'fuck off.'  i nearly taught it to the guy who deemed it necessary to gander at my crotch.

i went to bandi and luni to look for valentine's day cards.  sorry, no one is getting any.  if you get any, it will be because i use markers and draw some tacky shit.  i opted to avoid kyobo in order to avoid killing someone.

wait, would 'accidentally' tripping someone on the stairs be considered murder?  perhaps manslaughter.  i wonder what the translation is in korean...

i came home.  i stopped at my usual place for bibimbap.  i was really craving something hot (physically hot, and a bit spicy, too), as korea is getting bloody cold again.  i went in, as i saw there was only one man waiting for take-away kimbap.  'sweet, this shouldn't take long,' i thought.  i told the woman 'dolsot bibimbap' and had a seat, pulling out my planner and a vogue, knowing that i could plan my life and read a bit before my food arrived.  ten minutes later, the woman was still rolling fucking kimbap.  the man ordered about two dozen kimbap rolls.  at this point, i took out a piece of paper and marker and titled it, 'why i hate korean people.'  

number one was how they stand in the middle of the sidewalk and give you dirty glances if you run into them.

number two was how they order two dozen kimbap rolls.  the solution to this is, clearly, call ahead, toolbag!  

i considered leaving, but didn't want to cook anything at home.  today was not a day built for patience. 

i am a wench and i know this and i am not leaving my apartment for this reason.

i stopped at the grocery store on the corner to pick up milk and some ice cream fishes.  it was crowded and loud, full of annoying, smelly korean people (im sorry, but today is an 'i hate korea and everyone in it' day).  the checkout line was a good five people deep, with only one checkout girl.  'of course,' i thought, 'there would only be one checkout open on a saturday, when everyone is off from work and goes to the grocery store.  bloody fucking hell.'  

the second checkout opened after a few minutes, i paid for my shit, and bolted out the door.  i want to curl up in a blanket and never have to see a korean person again in my life.

when it rains, it pours.  and when it rains shit, fuck man, it's bad.

i can only wonder if korean people get annoyed with each other.  it's quite the shame that drugs are considered a felony here.  koreans make people turn to illegal things.  fuck they can drive me crazy.

and now i turn to say that as much as i hate america when i am home, i love america so bloody much when i am gone.  america is efficient.  america is clean.  americans do not walk at a snail's pace and suddenly stop in the middle of the sidewalk.  they do not wear matching couple shirts and men do not carry their girlfriends' bags.  americans have sex and do not have virgin surgeries so that their husbands think they are really marrying a pure woman.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH where have i come?????????

i am an extreme liberal living in a place that is so conservative, i fear i am turning republican!!!!!

fast and down and dirty

blah blah blah where do i begin?

haha that sounds like im about to vent.  actually i just havent written anything in ages.  so here goes...

january slowly came to a stop and february began.  i said goodbye to several students that i grew to just adore.  i went out with some ladies for the last hour of their night class, last friday.  they decided it was necessary for us to go to the noraebang so they could hear me sing.  (really ladies, its not worth the 15,000 won for the noraebang)  i finished up saturday classes, took a nap, and made my way to the talk time party.  as none of my students were there and only a few students spoke above an english level of 2, i opted to get drunk to make it somewhat enjoyable.  i became a sixteen year old boy and drank three long islands.  yes, i feel like a stupid frat boy from appleton who tries to act like he's hot shit in his a&f polo.  it was then decided that another noraebang trip was necessary.  it is now five days after the fact and my voice is still a bit hoarse.  if i am drunk and end up at the noraebang, it is no good.  (but too much fun!)  

sunday was spent at american apparel and wandering about in hyewha.  i am always amazed at the employees of american apparel.  i have been to american apparels in cali, nyc, madison, paris, and seoul, and the employees are clones.  (except with, perhaps, asian eyelids)  i thought that it would be a different story in seoul, as employees at korean stores are friendly and kind and greet customers.  american apparel employees have a global attitude and that is to be a complete and utter untrusting asshole.  some may call it emo or alternative; i just call it being a dick.  i have been in my neighborhood american apparel at least four times, three of which i had the store entirely to myself.  they should be kissing my american american-apparel wearing ass.  i cannot imagine that this store will be in business much long after this american peaces the fuck outta this city.

monday was the end of january classes.  i went out for coffee in 3 classes and out for lunch in another.  i wasn't sure if this class would be headed to lunch, so i ate a big dish of vegetables for lunch, in case they opted to go for coffee instead.  we went out for sam gilp sal (no idea if that is spelled correctly), which is basically like big slabs of bacon that you cook on this grill in the middle of your table.  i do not eat meat and i did not eat meat this day.  but i did eat lots of vegetables that come in the side dishes along with this plethora of pork meat and fat.  i loved that class.  i see them in school now and i am jealous that i am not their teacher.  oh ill miss them!

tuesday brought a whole new slew of students.  i had one of my 'favorite' (do note the sarcasm) students from last month return to a february class.  peachy.  i cheered when january ended and then screamed when i saw my scheduling, knowing damn well he would be 'gracing' us with his presence.

if you know me, you know who i am talking about.  i know about the proper names of bovines because of said student.  

it is my goal to make said student smile.  i will break him.  i will win.

(ps, if you find any interesting articles on bbc or the times, please email them to me, im always in need of material for this class)

classes have been going fine, just working on building that bond with the students.  it always takes a few days to get them comfortable with each other, and with the teacher.  and once they are ok with you, its smooth sailing.  

i opted to walk home tonight, as korea has been quite warm lately.  it was a lovely stroll and it helped me forget about all things school related.  i like korea a lot, but dont think i could make it last for more than a year without absolutely hating it upon departure.  its a cool society, but hard to really assimilate into.  i can blend in in paris.  i can speak the language and i dont look completely foreign.  in korea, i am a six foot (er, 180 centimeter) foreigner with really big headphones and really big ugg boots who does not eat meat.

handsome guy.

caution: she is retarded when drunk.

click here.

and the noraebang ambush...

click here.

end of january, continued...and no, the koreans did not get me to eat meat.

end of january...noraebang...part one.