i woke up this morning at 4 am in order to search for a audio or video file of obama's inauguration speech to share with some of my higher-level classes. i found an audio file, put it on my ipod, and called it a day. i was tired. i was crabby, knowing that i would have to face the most annoying class i have ever taught in just a short amount of time. i did not really think about the fact that america has a new president.
i was stressed at work. i was a shit teacher yesterday and it had overlapped with this morning. i felt as though my personal life was falling apart. it was just one of those days...
i played the audio for my first class. the reactions were strange. some students seemed interested; others seemed to think that suicide was a better option than coming to class. i asked what their reactions were. the majority of the class seemed to have the attitude that they would not be directly impacted and therefore, did not really appear to care. i felt like i had to justify myself, why i thought that this was a pivotal moment in history, why this actually would impact them directly.
i guess that living in america for eight years with this biggest leader of corruption in the free (and not free) world makes one care, makes one hopeful that things can be different for the states and for the world. i was offended by my students and their lack of interest. maybe it was just that it was 7 am. i was asked my opinion about hillary clinton and why i thought that obama had won. it was an interesting question for me, as i have not thought about hillary's run for the democratic candidacy for months. she was out, obama was in, that was history. at least no one opted to tell me that john mccain should have won. i think i would have ended class early had that happened.
some of my later classes asked if i was tired, if i had stayed up to watch the speech. i had not. i felt guilty, like a bad american, for not staying up to witness this moment in history. i began thinking about this after work tonight, as i watched the 45 minute version of the nbc nightly news. it was tonight that i wished i had been in america. it is the first time in years that i wish i had been home, with americans, feeling the vibe, the celebration, of something really extreme. i think it would have been the first time since 9/11 that i actually felt so much feeling, so much emotion. but being in korea is strange. no one really celebrated it. no one really got it. i feel like i missed out on something great. i probably would not have been in dc for the actual celebration, but being in america, with americans with a common ground would have been pretty unique.
but all is not lost. as i watched the news, i felt patriotic. i feel truly proud to be an american. i told one of my classes that i used to say that i was canadian or british (although people tend to like americans just less than they like brits), that i actually worried about my safety while working for the government while i was in paris. now i feel ok about saying im american. i feel like we actually stand for something now. the last eight years were stagnant, blah, grey, dull. now it's like the clouds are opening, possibility is trickling in, people can be optimistic again. positivity has come back, but it is mixed with reality. i really am pretty hopeful for the next few years. i will not stay away for four years. i do not feel like i have to. i somewhat look forward to going back to the states (yes, lana, close your mouth now, i said it).
yes, we can.
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