when culture shock gets the best of you, blame the malaria pills.

toto, i dont think we’re in kansas anymore. nor anywhere near it. and on the other side of the world, things are different, making my life hard and making me question my life’s choices. and the thing that is really hard about being in a completely new place is that any little thing can set off a tailspin frenzy of emotions, forcing me to revert to an ethnocentric self (me? thinking america is the best country out there? clearly i am not in a balanced state of mind...). 

one such small thing that has caused my day to start off on a really pleasant note is my lack of communication with the outside world. it will be a week or two before i get a phone, and the internet at my hotel is hit or miss. up until this morning, quite pleasantly, it has been a hit. today it is very much amiss, causing me to search for alternate modes of communication, desperately awaiting the day that i can move into a real apartment and have internet that i can somewhat have control over. 

and another thing, i need a motherfucking closet. before me sit four large suitcases with their contents half strewn about the floor, half shoved and crumpled back into their somewhat designated home. i like to think of myself as an organized person, yet in this state, i question if i am really some crazy ocd person who needs everything in its proper place. (at this point, dear readers, feel free to discontinue reading forever, if you no longer wish to sort through my personal psychoses.)

i like to think of myself as being a relatively even-keel kind of gal, generally being quite calm and laid-back. i was actually asked several times before i left for korea how i managed to remain so calm about this big future life change. perhaps i was just avoiding the chaos that i am now encountering. all i can say is that i hope that all of these ups and downs (damn that fucking W culture shock curve) are worth it and make me a better, stronger person, as right now, i would be rather content curling into a ball, listening to some damien rice, and crying myself to sleep.

so now i say, ‘fuck you jetlag, fuck you internet not working, fuck you malaria pills for making me crazy.’ when life gets you down, blame the malaria pills. and then find a starbucks that has properly functioning internet.