in order for me to work in korea, i needed to cut through rolls and rolls of red tape in order to get a visa. now that i am here, there are still more rolls to deal with. and today, i started cutting. i had to get a health check in order for immigration to realize that i am not a coked-out, color-blind psycho with an irregular heartbeat and a good case of TB. now, when one thinks of a health check in america, one would imagine going to a doctor and having one person just do the whole deal. well, friends, we are in korea, and korea is not america. here we go...
i taught two classes this morning and then had a three hour break. my supervisor took me to a korean medical center. once i was all checked in, he left. and then the games began. i was first directed to a locker room, where i put on a baby pink gown (actually quite similar to my williams sonoma apron...oh how i felt right at home!) and some very chic black rubber sandals, which, of course, were about four sizes too small. i was then given a plastic cup with lid and a plastic test tube and directed to go pee in the cup and then pour some into the test tube. check. next, i went into a room filled with ottomans and many-a-korean sitting on said ottomans. i sat by a tall british man, who, like me, look disillusioned and confused, although this was about his fifth health check in korea (he's been teaching here the last several years). a small korean lady called my name and checked my vision. score. then she took my height and weight. easy enough. then i had my blood drawn. next, i waited on the ottomans in order to get a chest x-ray. this little korean man takes me into the room and positions me just so. he takes the picture, comes back in, and basically scolds me for not having taken off my bra. ok ok, this is legit, but i was not thinking i would be getting any x-rays when i was stripping down. alas, i ran out to the locker room, stripped further down, and went back. i assumed the position and was in and out in a minute. next came the REAL fun. the ekg. i went into a room and laid down on a bed, having to keep my feet off the side because it was too short. a woman put some clamps around my ankles and wrists, and then took about five suction cups, pulled my gown open, and put them all over my chest. i do believe that i have only experienced a couple things in life that were more mortifying than having suction cups all over my tits. sexay. i actually still had sucker marks when i finally was able to go get dressed. after the ekg, i met with a female doctor and she asked me a couple questions. i probably could have done heroin or meth and she would have loved me. i walked in and immediately, 'ohhhh you are like model, so tall.' and after i left, 'oh you so beautiful!' yeah yeah stop touching me, let me put on my clothes.
so that is how i spent one hour of my day today. there are several things that i would have preferred to fill that time with...shopping, sleeping, having a lobotomy.
i walked back to the love shack, stopping by the 7/11 for some lunch food. i didnt feel like going out and opted for a nice big can of fruit, along with what i thought to be hard-boiled eggs. after a bit of confusion with the hotel manager about my key (you have to turn your key in every time you leave...he thought that i was staying in the room of a different teacher, and alas, had no idea where my key was), i headed upstairs for some relaxation and lunch. i cracked open an egg, ready to douse it in salt and dig in. i really quite enjoy a nice, deep yellow yolk, covered in salt and, perhaps, butter. upon cracking the egg, i noticed that it appeared a bit, uh, darker than normal. i rinsed off the shell in my sink (which drains into a hole in the bathroom floor - yup, bathrooms here are weird. no shower curtains, sometimes no tub. the apartment i will be living in has a shower head attached to the wall and a big drain in the middle of the floor. it is weird as all hell.). anyway, i took a bite of egg, thinking i should give it a try. it tasted like egg-flavored jello. brown egg-flavored jello. (lost your appetite yet?) i managed to get the first bite down, but then opted to toss that one, along with the unpeeled egg, well knowing that if i continued to eat it, i would soon be seeing it in my toilet. the trash seemed like a better option. i did not feel it necessary to discover the color of the yolk...
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