hmm where to begin...i'd say, quite cheekily, 'at the beginning,' yet the beginning of this mess was last october and as it is now july, i mustn't begin at the beginning. alas, i will begin in the middle, er, the late-middle, as the middle to the late middle of my life in korea is pretty much the same shit over and over. ok here goes...
MY FEEBLE ATTEMPT TO UPDATE ANY POOR BASTARD WHO STILL READS THIS ON MY EXISTENCE.
march plus or minus one month: i began to hate korea around this time. i say plus or minus one month as this period of time basically was a blur of days of me hating korea. well, more of a rollercoaster of ups and downs, most of which ended down. the only thing saving my life was the light at the end of the tunnel, i.e. JUNE, when i would be off for a month.
april: see above.
may: see above. motivation was incredibly lacking during this month. the only motivation i had was for preparing to go to spain and france. i was probably a shit teacher, yet my student surveys from may certainly would show otherwise. i even got a bonus during april and may. that's just insane. how the fuck could i possibly get a bonus during april/may? clearly i just didn't give a fuck and therefore came off as cool and collected and a really dope teacher. fuck i haven't the slightest idea.
june: also known as my month of heaven. my early birthday present. a month of pure bliss and decadence. a month of not giving a fuck what time we woke up, not giving a fuck what tourist shit we did, not giving a fuck about anything except having fun and being together. its amazing how therapeutic a topless beach can be. it's also incredible how one's attitude will slowly change as her skin turns a golden brown. june was my month to realize that there is more to life than work. there is love and passion and happiness and pleasure and joy and laughter and lightness. i always knew this, yet i managed to somehow forget it while living in korea. there is a saying here, 'bali bali,' which basically means, 'hurry hurry.' and for what? so that we can be at work more, be less productive, make more money so we can buy more shit that essentially means jack at the end of the day. i slowed down in europe. andy and i would sit at meals for hours, just talking about the world, friends, politics, insignificant shit. it didn't matter. we had a month to be together and really absorb everything. it was slow and made me see how much i cannot live for work. i will work so that i can live in a manner i enjoy. and that manner is looking like it will be filled with movement around the world, spending all that 'bali bali'-earned money on travel and experiencing places and people, not so much on buying stuff. although, yes, i certainly did buy a lot of shit in europe.
july: i came back to korea and had to be quarantined for six days from work because my company was scared i had the swine flu and might spread it to my students and other teachers. yes please i will be quarantined since you are going to pay me to stay home on my birthday. certainly, i can do that. i would absolutely hate to get anyone sick. speaking of my birthday, funny enough, i got robbed the day i turned 24. fucking hell. i live in what the koreans call a villa, which basically is like a 2 or 3 story house that is divided into apartments. its nice and it is bigger than a lot of what the other teachers live in, aka officetels. they're basically big studios. this is a real apartment. i have real rooms. anyway, i live on the first level and i have a balcony and as korea is hotter than a motherfucker during the summer, i left the balcony window and door open when i went to bed on the eve of my bday and sure enough, some son of a bitch jumped into the balcony and waltzed right in and nicked the cash from my wallet. i woke up feeling refreshed, thinking that it would be a good year. it was raining and it smelled really nice and tranquil. i came into my living room and noticed a bracelet had magically moved from my desk to my chair. i thought i was jetlagged and maybe had gotten up in the middle of the night and moved it. then i went in my kitchen and saw my wallet on my counter, zipper part open with all the cash gone. at least that's all the fucker took. i don't care about the money; just really creeped out by the fact that someone was in here while i was sleeping. i told my landlord, the police came, and then my landlord proceeded to spend the next few hours installing bars and screens and a bamboo curtain on the balcony and another lock on my front door. if some little prick wants to get in, they're really going to have to want in and they will have to break some shit to get in. happy birthday kendra, we're going to rob you. fuck you bastard korean thieves.
my birthday turned out ok, though. i went out with some coworkers for a lovely greek dinner in itaewon. it was a pretty low-key birthday on the actual day, but then on friday night, i went to hongdae with some mates and got ridiculously pissed on red wine and tequila and ended up dirty dancing like it was going out of style on the bar at tinpan. as it was fourth of july weekend, a lot of military guys had come into the city from their bases and unfortunately enough for yours truly, i had to speak with said toolbags. of course i lied and said my name was stephanie. a korean guy asked me my name and i said stephanie. he asked where i was from and i said england. i continued this yarn and basically told him that i was from where andy is from and then i was asked why i didn't have an accent. i said it was because i had lived in america the last ten years. i believe i then said, 'fish and chips,' and ran away. oh the holes i often dig myself into.
i was ridiculously hung over the next day. i wanted to kill myself all day. lesson learned: do not leave your windows open if you live on the first level and do not mix wine with tequila. no, just don't drink tequila unless it is patron and served in glass.
i started working a week ago. it was hard and i felt really stressed out. the week was hard, getting the students to warm up. it's hard going from a month of nothing to a solid week of classes, especially when you really could give two fucks less about being there. my students are relatively cute. there are a couple assholes, but that is always a given. my stress culminated this weekend and gave me a lovely migraine on saturday afternoon while i was at the gym. it feels quite dangerous to be on an elliptical machine and not really be able to see much of anything. i spent a grand total of 12 minutes at the gym and then came home, took some drugs, cancelled my plans for the evening, and passed out. and my weekend has basically consisted of me laying around, watching movies, being a slug. i feel like my stress has been released and even though i have to be in korea for 143 more days (yes i have a countdown going until i leave), it appears that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that this is just a little bit i have to push through to move on to a new challenge, something i prefer to ajoumas. it hasn't been all bad, though. i've learned a lot, learned a lot about myself and what i want and who i want to be with in life. i don't want to be alone anymore, want to be with someone i love and who loves me. ready for something real, which i do believe i've found.
and as for these next 143 days, what will they be filled with? a bit of travel, a trip to busan and hopefully one to tokyo. job searching and preparation for my next move (south america, probably ecuador!) and just trying to smile and take it one day at a time and not feel too miserable that im in korea and not in spain or france or england now. cuz that's where i'd be if i had the option. but if i take that option, i leave korea a very broke woman, and as i would prefer to not do that, i will stay for five months and bust ass and save up as much cash as is possible for my shopping-loving self and then peace the fuck off, very unlikely to ever return.
i will fly off into the sunset. oh how i look forward to that long 15 hour flight to chicago. sweet jesus will that be lovely. i might even eat a big mac to celebrate.
er, maybe a bite.
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